Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
