I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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