You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
