Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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