I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
