update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
