Your mouth is God's brothel.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Randomize
