I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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