It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
