How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
