Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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