I wannas sexs uuuuu
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
