I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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