cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
