Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
