tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
