Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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