Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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