There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
