forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize