Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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