just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
