I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
