I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
