I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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