I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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