No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
