the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
