i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
