did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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