can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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