Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
