Ambien. No doubt about it.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
