Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
