hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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