That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
