he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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