What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
