you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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