We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
