I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
