Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
