There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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