I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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