he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
