All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
