I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
