You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
