Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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