honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
