that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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