he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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