there was a trapeze. enough said
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize