They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
