Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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