i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
