I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
It's just like the Real World with babies
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
