Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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