Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She even gives head with a lisp.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
