she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
There are leaves in my underwear?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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