you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
