Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
