its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
