Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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