I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
