well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
