I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize