I wish I only lived at night.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
