Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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