I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
