xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
