im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
