my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize