WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
