Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
