She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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