Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
i think i just lost a toe
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
