How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
