someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You may now shotgun with the bride
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
