I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
