I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
