South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
