if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
