how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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