We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
