Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
