I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
