i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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