Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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