Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
