I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
