I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
