I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
