i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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